Socrates is Ugly

As reported in Xenophon’s Symposium, Socrates and Critobulus engaged in a discussion of beauty. Socrates, quite famously no beauty himself, was described in Plato’s Theaetetus as having “a snub nose and projecting eyes”. Yet the philosopher did not consider his physical deficiencies a problem; rather, he argued that his flared nostrils enhanced his sense of smell and his bulging eyes gave him enhanced peripheral vision:

  Critobulus: “In faith, my opinion is that beauty is to be found quite as well in a horse or an ox or in any number of inanimate things. I know, at any rate, that a shield may be beautiful, or a sword, or a spear.”
  Socrates: “How can it be that all these things are beautiful when they are entirely dissimilar?”
  “Why, they are beautiful and fine,” answered Critobulus, “if they are well made for the respective functions for which we obtain them, or if they are naturally well constituted to serve our needs.”
   Socrates: “Do you know the reason why we need eyes?”
  Critobulus: “Obviously to see with.”
  “In that case, it would appear without further ado that my eyes are finer ones than yours.”
  “How so?”
  “Because, while yours see only straight ahead, mine, by bulging out as they do, see also to the sides.”
  Critobulus: “Do you mean to say that a crab is better equipped visually than any other creature?”
  Socrates: “Absolutely; for its eyes are also better set to insure strength.”
  Critobulus: “Well, let that pass; but whose nose is finer, yours or mine?”
  Socrates: “Mine, I consider, granting that Providence made us noses to smell with. For your nostrils look down toward the ground, but mine are wide open and turned outward so that I can catch scents from all about.”
  “But how do you make a snub nose handsomer than a straight one?”
  Socrates: “For the reason that it does not put a barricade between the eyes but allows them unobstructed vision of whatever they desire to see; whereas a high nose, as if in despite, has walled the eyes off one from the other.”
  “As for the mouth,” said Critobulus, “I concede that point. For if it is created for the purpose of biting off food, you could bite off a far bigger mouthful than I could. And don’t you think that your kiss is also the more tender because you have thick lips?”
  Socrates: “According to your argument, it would seem that I have a mouth more ugly even than an ass’s. But do you not reckon it a proof of my superior beauty that the River Nymphs, goddesses as they are, bear as their offspring the Seileni, who resemble me more closely than they do you?”

I’m hoping that someone who knows more than I about this work can clear up whether or not this is a serious exchange, or if is it supposed to be comedic (as has been suggested)? If serious, is it wise to concede in public debate that one possesses “a mouth more ugly even than an ass’s”?


CITATIONS:

1. Xenophon, Symposium, Book 5, 3-7. [Online text here.]

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